I spent another 3 days on Intensive care. I was awake yet the drugs were so strong my memories are blurry and i remember very little of what happened. I was still having seizures yet they were not as violent. The drugs relaxed the muscles and the nerves to them meaning when i had a seizure it was happening in my brain and eyes and only the very small muscles would twitch. This was tryngt to help my body rest… my brain still had other ideas. The seizures had taken a toll on my body and I was still weak. The most scary moment was when i realised that i couldn’t see. Close up everything was blurry, it had been for the days i remember yet here i was laying in a hospital gown looking around and i could see nothing. It was all a blue white haze. My heart sank and i burst into tears. With physio i started to move my muscles again yet i didn’t have the strength to walk more than 5 steps .
As i got near the steps i felt ill. I couldn’t describe the feeling but i didn’t feel good. I took a step down the stage steps to join my tutor group in the ranks and it all went blank.
Im a teenager… this can’t happen to me I’m invincible (well ok not quite but we all think we are at that age!)
In two days my life had gone from exciting, fun filled and independent to crazy, end of world (in teenage eyes), embarrassing and not wanting to go to school which I loved and normally craved. I was back on the roller coaster of epilepsy.
I loved school. there was no other word for it. I would stay to clubs, do extra homework. I was in science club, tennis club, languages club and history club. Whatever knowledge that school had i couldn’t wait to soak it up. The science teacher brought in work from the years above so i could do it when i finished our programmed work. My homework was pages instead of paragraphs and i even got told by the history teacher that it wasn’t necessary…. yet my only reply was i know but i enjoy it! so i was the class Boffin and i didn’t care.
For the first time in my school life I was able to enjoy school and catch up on learning which I found i loved as i didn’t miss a single day of school due to seizures.
My attendance was 100% for year 7,8 and 9 and my merits were always rewarded at the presentation evening. Life was fab as far as me went.
Family was difficult at times. My father and I never have got on since well… ever to be honest. There are many stories I could tell about my younger years and the “jealousy” “childish” behaviour my father showed towards me however to a certain extent I do have to edit the “family” part of the blog… because It is family stuff. Maybe one day i’ll be brave enough to fill in the gaps! for now I will say this… things were difficult at times. One story I can tell because, well, it was pretty public for me at the time was My prize presentation in year 8. I had just been awarded with 100% attendance, merit certificate, a science award and the history cup prize. I wanted to go back to one of the other halls where all my friends were with their parents and chat like you do. I went back while mum and dad were working their way there through another door. I didn’t know at the time but my dad had already had some “drink” and he and mum were having a bit of words for some reason that i still dont know. Consequently by the time we all met up in the other hall and there was wine and juice available there too my father ended up having a huge row at myself and mum which included drink and a few other matters. there I was in the middle of the hall making my way back across from talking to my friend and getting a juice drink when i could feel everybody watching my family un-fold in front of my very eyes! its not something I wanted to repeat. Therefore on future prize evenings of which there were 3 I didn’t let dad be present to them, and if there is anything that I want to go really well up to this day I use the same method of him not being present. Its really sad and I do feel I am missing out when I see other girls with their fathers of whom they are proud of and visa vera but that is life. My mum is more than enough to make up for the lack of father figure!
sorry couldn’t resist the post title!
It seemed that the next few years flew by. school life was back on track and social life too. Yes there were restrictions but I still had fun and my childhood was pretty good really! Family life was difficult at times but who’s wasn’t right !So I went throughout the next two years pretty steadily with regular hospital check ups and changes to medication level as I grew. When I was 9 I was taken ill again. It had happened over a few weeks but I ended up again in hospital but this time not for too long.I had appointments to go back for tests which i did. The tests were quite nasty and now at age 9 i had learnt that hospital were not good nice places to be as i always came out with holes in me somewhere and hurting for the things they did. I did always had some soft disney toy or other that was great for distraction. I didn’t care that most kids thought 9 was too old for toys such as disney and soft bears… i embraced the lot disney and sparkles all the way. There were lots of tests that they done on this round of my MOT. The one i remember vividy was one that provoked my seizures. It was an E.E.G but they made me stop all my medication. Then when i was all hooked up they flashed a light in my eyes…. i can’t remember anything beyond that point !Becoming older I understood more and more which was not necessarily a good thing! When the results of the tests came back it was revealed that my epilepsy was generalised but originated from the temporal lobe. There were lots of medication available at that point so i was put on some different pills and life carried on.After 4 weeks i was the liveliest i’d been in years… we didn’t realise it at the time but the previous medications had obviously made me more tired than i should have been. I was happy real happy. I had always loved dancing and i’d joined the local dance school at 6, but i was now dancing better and enjoying it more. Age 10 i also joined the local karate class. Here i met lots of new friends and thrived at being a little karate kid. I zoomed through the first grades and was taken to all the local competitions. age 11 i went to regionals and won! the next 6 months were run up for the semi finals. I loved the lot and had a fab day despite getting up at 4 am! i came 2nd in the combat sparing and 1st in kata. Mum and my instructor could not have been happier as we were not expecting it after getting up so early and the long journey ! My next appointment at the hospital i proudly put on dr terri’s desk my trophy and medal with a photo of me and the rest of the team. Dr terri replaced the old regional phot with the new semi final photo and was also thrilled. No medication change was needed and once again life continued on a upward roller coaster.I was full throttle in with my karate and was loving every minute of it… I was going to competitions every week and even went to a big competition in London, this one didn’t go too well as i was 3 times smaller than my opponent and ended up in the ambulance corner where i got patched up ready to do my next competition entry: kata. Despite the cuts and bruises from the fighting i came 3rd in the kata class so it was worth going especially as it was such a huge competition.My love at the moment was dancing. id only recently started competing but was doing ok. In fact I had a dancing partner, he was 2 years older than me but we were a good match. We both done really well with our routine and thrived in rock and roll. Competed in many competitions School was also great. Apart from seizures when I was poorly with cold, flu or had an infection. Anyway school went well and from 5th year on I had no more seizures… the new medication had worked ! I was delighted as were my family. I got to do things I hadn’t in a while and I was slowly weaned off the tablets that I had been taking for over 6 years!. Life was great, and I going off with my friends on our own…I was getting a bit of independence. A happy ending?
At the age of 7 I moved. This was great fun as we actually moved on 24th November (my birthday) not only was it my birthday but it was snowing too! great fun for me but not so for the move.I was on a bit of a buzz as Topper and I (topper being out toy poodle) were staying with nan and grandad who had made me a cake and brought me the biggest polly pocket world i’d seen… I was loving it. I had to change schools and life was better. We were nearer to the rest of the family and I was going to the same school as my mum and cousins had been to. I met a new cousin while at school that i didn’t even know about so life was great. Then things changed Although i loved school, I was worried what the people, and my new friends would do if the seizures (fits as i called them) reared their ugly head. I would had to face another set of kids with the same kinda questions as the last. It didnt happen and I ended loving my new school, friends and life much better than my old school.