Tag Archives: seizures

WRITTEN ON FATHERS DAY 2012


Today is fathers day 2012 . A day for celebrating dads everywhere. 


Yesterday Mum and I had gone to view our picture on a photo mosaic of the queen at the turner contemporary art gallery, this was part of the queens diamond jubilee. Months before i’d sent in pictures of us all and written stories to go with them (the story had to be about why the picture was special to you) for one of the pictures I sent in a picture of mum and i on the race for life, this is a cause close to our heart as my nan has survived breast cancer twice. The last one she had was the most severe yet it was caught early and thanks to cancer research she is alive to this day. Anyway we went to see it in the flesh and it looks great. We are on the old queen on the crown… very apt i think!


It was the first time i’d been out properly after going into hospital. It was the furthest too. We packed the oxygen and I took it slow, i still feel very delicate and Im almost scared of my own shadow…. this bout has really knocked me. Anyway I got round and then on our way back we stopped of in our town. Mum wanted some things from busy bees and I needed to pick up dads pressie from the craft box. I was so so excited to see it but also worried as i wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out…not only had i done it in 4 sessions but id tried a new technique called etching. I needn’t have worried, The plaque was fab and I was so so excited to see dads face. The plaque was double sided and id put a bus stop on one side and his regiment and details on the other. This was a fab pressie and i was excited already. At home I put the ribbon on and a few beads so i could be hung up. I wrapped the plaque and decorated the bag and wrote the card. Everything was ready.




Dad was working all day tomorrow and was going really early in the morning. As a family in these situations we have always done the occasion the night before so mum said to go get it and we all sat down. Dad was playing on the computer, like he does a lot… i think the solitaire game must have a hypnotic effect cos he can play it for hours without blinking! when he came and sat down he had a spat with mum about having whisky in (which we didn’t) its my fult because i was too tired to go round the supermarket and be able to pick up his pressie so we were planning on doing the shopping tomorrow. Anyway he made some rude comments as is usual for him and said he thought we would have been nice! (charming) anyway pressie was pointed out and happy fathers day exchanged and he had the look of thunder on his face. Oh boy!
he took the bag and opened it… didnt really seem interested but smilied and then put it down. 
well not the result i was hoping for. My heart sank to the floor and I went back to the front room. I put the plaque on the dining room table and sat down. I felt dreadful anyway why didnt he say anything? didn’t he like it? i knew the answer to my thoughts and questions. but it didn’t help as i already felt depressed without him adding more reasons why I should end up on antidepressants.

Anti-depressents were not a route i wanted to go down. Im not totally against them but I take enough medication already and I’m not even sure how they would react with my epilepsy drugs and I’ve enough problems with that already. I like to try my approach… the disney sparklie smile on the outside even if it hurts approach first. I look back on the years and remember my dark days…. i survived them surely i can survive now. Only time will tell i guess but at the moment I feel depressed. I went to bed and thats where I stayed till this morning.

I woke this morning with crust eyes where i fell asleep crying last night. It wasn’t the first time i cried myself to sleep because of family but I wish it didn’t get to me so much. I say I don’t care but the truth is no matter how much he hurts me i will still try and be nice…. what really gets me is when he gets to mum, that i really can’t stand. Last night mum was upset and that made me more upset.

Hey today is another day so maybe things are different.
Mum had put the plaque on the wall and dad was at work. I needed to go visit our friend today, at least i can talk to him. What we really needed to do is  go shopping, If not for anything else but to avoid another evening like last night.
We went to asda. On the way I was on the iPad looking at emails and checking Facebook. our friend had made meringues and asked us round for a coffee! bonus i thought we were popping up anyway 🙂
We finished the asda shopping and went round. We stayed for about an hour and it was nice to give bill his card and pressie and actually see a smile. At least he appreciated it.
We then popped round nan and granddads as it was mums turn to play postman. she had brought grandad some ginger wine and chocolate… he favourites. she also got a smile.
It ended up a good day  but the roller coaster isn’t on a high by any means

I look at other people with their fathers and I do feel a bit jealous sometimes. someone to go and talk to … I wonder what its like to be a daddys girl? I will never know. 

Loss of Confidence

If theres something I’ve learnt and thats life is precious. Epilepsy does scare me sometimes and so do the cluster headaches. I try not to show it, i don’t like to and I hope that people wouldn’t know unless they know me wouldn’t know what my life is about just by looking at me… why would they unless they spend enough time with me.   This time really did scare me. I had taken a picture half an hour previous to my fits and the next day when i was out of hospital i looked at it and there is no sign of what was to come. Like a time bomb waiting to go off? 

Painting before my seizure at the craft box


The next few days I rested and watched so many films that I would be great on a tv quiz show!
Monday I was due to go to art class. I really wanted to go as not only was I bored but I wanted to start on my big canvas. The problem was the art class was at the craft box where i had last been and ended up in hospital. I was embarrassed and scared to go back. Being the stubborn person I am (even to myself) i thought it was something i had to do… I thought if i didn’t i would never go back. I Picked up some flowers on route as I felt that Tory really deserved them she helped me that day more than I think she realises.

Mum dropped me off outside and I went in I was shaking, not only because I felt awful but I was so embarrassed. I met the other lady who was there that day but I had no idea how much she saw, if she knew or what as I was too out of it that day to know. She said Tory wasn’t there… My heart sank. I immediately started to feel scared as I knew Tory better and I was so unsure in my own body at the moment. I felt so alone.

I was given a task to do from the art teacher and just sat down and done it… i was shaking inside and my head was pounding. The infection had started to take its toll and my kidney was a constant pain in my side. I finished the task and was actually quite pleased with it. Now for the big canvas.

I started on the work but was so tired i was nearly in tears. I was scared and I felt I had to leave and quick. I made my excuses and left.
I walked up the road, stood alone, still and was in tears what had I done I should have phoned mum before I left. Now I was alone in the street and no help or security. I called mum straight away and she came down to get me.. I when home and cried. What a baby I though… yet now I felt It would be more difficult to go back.

Life was bad again and I was so so upset and tired.
The next day I got up and brushed myself off and told me not to be stupid I went to the craft box. I had to finnish dads plaque I was shaking when mum took me down. I wish mum would go but mum said no and made me do it alone. So i did. I went in and Tory was there. Relief yet embarrassment and I still couldn’t stop shaking.
I done half of dads plaque but was too tired to do the rest. Kara needed to come down that afternoon so i went home, had lunch and slept. 3:30 claire and i went back and  finished the plaques.

 


WHOOP finally happy!

Embarrassment is never far away!


After the blip i had started living again.
I went to the craft box more and I went out with matt more, I was more confident and was going out with some other friends too.  I started planning things further away and life was good. I was still having the seizures but they were less severe and I was at about 2 a week and I knew to avoid my period time. I started brushing up on my nursing skills by redoing my online training and had passed them all. I was getting ready to go back and I was treating every day as a bit of a holiday. I still went through bad weeks where my cluster headaches would be bad and i would need the oxygen but i thought that iId still be able to go back to work even with that. 
To bring myself into the real world again I started taking my little cousin milly out for day trips. Things were good i was living, making plans yet this time still being reserved.

June 16th 2012

Things were good !  the last 2 mondays I’ve been going to a art class at the craft box as well and I’m still taking Milly out on the occasional weekend.
The last week i have been painting a plaque for dads fathers day pressie. Ive designed it with both his loves in mind. On one side I’ve got his regiment details and badge and on the other his own personal bus stop. On and off I’ve been going in and doing a little.
Last Thursday I was in the activity box with Kara (she was doing a similar thing for her dad but a gardening design).
Over the few days leading up to last thursday I had been feeling a little under the weather I had noticed my headaches were stronger and I had been having a lot of absence seizures. I hadn’t told mum how bad i was feeling as she had been unwell the last few months and I was done with worrying her about me. She done that way too much. Things were on the up so I thought I could cope.

Thursday was going to be our finishing off day. We went in at 10am and painted away and chatting about the usual rubbish we chit chat about. My head was getting worse so i took a couple of my stronger pills and then kara and I took a break to go and get a cake from the nearby cake shop. We came back and had a cuppa to go with it and continued to paint. Half an hour in and i felt strange, My head was bad and i was getting hot I went outside to get some air and as i went down the steps i knew something wasn’t right. I got to the door and it all went blank. I woke up laying on gravel feeling very cold. The lady who owned the craft box (luckily a ex nurse so wasn’t to badly freaked) was holding me telling me where i was. I felt awful and so so embarrassed. Why, How not again were my thoughts. I knew i wasn’t free from the beast but i felt I had gained a little control and here i was being proved wrong. (life with epilepsy is always unpredictable)

The next few hours are really blurry as from what I’ve been told i was in and out of seizures a lot.
I remember getting up and going back into the warm as sitting on a stool. My trousers were covered in mud as was my feet and hands. tory (the lady at the activity box) washed my trouser leg with a cloth and I was holding onto a roll of bubble wrap. I felt really ill and the sensations i were getting were odd as I didn’t normally feel them this strong once the seizure had passed.
The next thing I knew I was on the floor again. this was seizure 2. this apparently continued. I can’t remember what was happening yet i know people were there I could hear Tory’s voice and then mums. I could tell the difference between Tory’s hand and mums as Tory’s was smooth with short nails and mum had boney hands with long nails. Voices were distand and under water. i felt so so cold. I cuddled in a blanket and can remember mum passing me the oxygen. I was trying so hard to stay awake yet i was so tired. I wanted to go home and so tried to get up and get up the stairs. This failed as every time i got up I had a seizure. I can’t remember this part but this is what I’m told.
The next 2 hours are blank as I got taken to hospital and woke up in the resuscitation room with a needle in my arm wires on my body and a drip hung in position. There was a nurse and doctor  asking me what happened… fit? i said groggily?  the drugs kicked in pretty quick and it turned out i had a kidney infection which probably caused the flare up, it didn’t make me feel any better though i couldn’t believe id had a fit while out, this hadnt happened in a couple of months (ok i rarely went out too much nut hey) . i was so so embarrassed.
My head was pounding but the oxygen helped a little.
I was desperate to get home and our friend was there as huge support to mum. Persuasion meant they did let me home later that evening with a large dose of antibiotics and instructions. I was so relieved. I got straight in bed and cuddled in my blanket with magick and the oxygen. It seemed that too long of the oxygen and i would start feeling really rubbish again.

                                  


Pills, craft and disney


I came home from London with relief and sorrow.
I had the ok for oxygen, but i also had more pills to take. I was now on a total of 19 a day. If they help i don’t care i said.
A few weeks on and a little improvement was seen on the seizures. I had to up the dose of the medication and they meant 22 pills a day but who cares little improvement is better than none.
I was still getting a few absence seizures but i didn’t even bother to say about those any more.
When i was on my menstral cycle the generalised would be worse. The oxygen however meant that my headaches were able to be controlled a little. Sometimes the oxygen got rid of the headache totally. Was i about to get back to work and have a life?
Although i knew deep down a normal life was still far ahead i was getting braver. I went out down the street and posted letters by myself. I went in shops on my own knowing mum was just in the nearby area. I  done craft fairs in public, went shopping and as long as someone was about life was good.
The medication wasn’t perfect as i did have breakthroughs but i went from 5-10 seizures a week to 2-3 big seizures a week. Thats a big improvement.
The oxygen also meant that recovery was quicker. Mum use to grab the mask and give me oxygen when i had a seizure and we found this helped this too. We both started to relax.


February 11th 2012.
After a lovely but difficult christmas came the new year. My friend Matt had become my boyfriend on New years eve and I couldn’t have been happier. I was going out and really living life. He knew me from school (total of 16 years) and he had grown up with my seizures so all was good.
Over the christmas period i had a few blips and had to spend a couple of days in bed as i was too bad after the seizures but i bounced back. Febuary was different though.
Matt and I were dating and our first valentines day was planned to be great. However 11th february 2012 i was taken into hospital. The seizures wouldn’t stop and  again hospital was the only option. I went through the same process as always, anticonvulsants in a drip over night and a couple of days in hospital. i got out of hospital on the morning of 14th february (valentines day) this wasn’t going to be the day we planned as i was too weak but Matt came over nevertheless and we had a lovely evening watching a film. I was happy.
I was a bit disheartened by this blip as i thought we’d cracked it as the seizures had reduced  little and i thought i’d just up the medication and that would be it, but I didn’t give up.


As soon as i was well enough matt and I were off doing things and Kara and i started crafting again. I Started to craft more seriously and sell a few bits too.
Id stopped going to WI as it was getting the same and mum wasn’t fussed so we chose to spend the joining fee on some show tickets throughout the year instead.
Kara and i were still best buds and soul sisters and she introduced me to a amazing craft place. the craft box . You paint pottery then the lady puts it in the kiln and it comes out shiny and looking amazing. We went there often and i started to go there  solo too as Kara could not always do it as she had so many other commitments to clubs and social groups such as drama and craft.

We didn’t always craft. we went to the cinema and shopping and other places too. We even went to the o2 arena and watched disney on ice. It was great Kara was becoming as mad on disney as i was. I felt sorry for her mum as she had the job of taking us but she seemed to love it too. it was a really good day. 


Telemetry

3 months passed and i was struggling. I was depressed and upset and each and every seizure brought with it emotional pain as well as physical some seizures would mean dislocated shoulders, bruises and sprained ankles. I carried on best as i could and then an appointment. It came out of the blue but i went. I met the most wonderful Dr id seen since dr terri, surprisingly this dr new terri too. We got down to trying to work things out. I went through my history, my tests. Id brought all my letters and reports from previous consultants and mum was there and explained the seizures.

We also said about my headaches which were more and more violent than ever and becoming more frequent. We started by a change of medication and i was sent to kings college hospital in the city for a telemetry EEG. i was scared as the thought of being in a hospital in the city but on 3rd december 2010 i got picked up by a hospital car and mum and i went to kings college hospital.

Wires!


Telemetry in Kings

When we got there i sat in this waiting room and well….. waited. While there i met a girl who had come in for the same thing. her name was ashley. she was knitting on a hat loom which interested me as i liked to do craft too and had brought in some craft bits. We talked and then I got called in. We agreed that we would meet up later.
I got taken into this room and asked to remove my top half of clothes and put on the front opening clothes id brought. I only had a corset type vest to that opened up at the front so i changed into that and then the man got to work. He combed pieces of my hair out the way and shaved a tiny bit in places as my hair was thick and then rubbed on some glue he then took an electrode and placed it on the scalp. the rubbing motion really gave me a headache as he had to press hard for them to take…. 53 times this was done and eventually i was complete.

I looked like medusa the lady with snakes coming out of her head. i was given a jacket which i had to put on and i was then hooked up to a battery pack. This was then put into the computer and i was taken to a room.
In the room there was a bed, big reclining chair lots of blankets and tv as well as all the normal hospital equipment on the walls like oxygen/suction etc. also in the room was a monitor and a cctv camera pointing at the bed.
I kinda found this creepy at first but surprisingly got use to it quick.
I had to stay in the bed for as much as possible and only go out of the room to the toilet which was just next door. I sat on the bed and the man attached the wires to a long thicker wire. Thats it i can only go as far as the wire would let me.
I tested it out once he had gone and as i walked out the room for a quick test i saw ashley she had been hooked up to and we could only meet from one end of the nurses station to the other. She was in the room next door so she would walk up to one end (as far as her wire would let her) and id walk to the other end (as far as my wire would let me) we exchanged craft ideas and gossip and slid things up and down the nurses station for a week and we became good friends.
She lives quite far but we text and email and call now and then.
After 24 hours of being off my medication id had one absence and one big seizure. I was getting a bit freaked out as the nurses ran in and put the cot sides up before i even knew i was going to have a seizure… i didn’t like this as it was weird them knowing before me!
Kara had made me up a parcel a day to take to hospital. I opened them each day and often found something to do in each parcel which was great and well needed as hospital was boring without not being able to walk any distance as i was hooked up.
I watched many disney movies and talked to the nurses and time did pass.
ashley had been discharged a few days previous to me as her seizures didn’t show up on screen so she would be having another type of treatment as hers wasnt down to epilepsy. I was stuck. When they got all the information they wanted i went home. Tired and relieved to be back on full medication i hoped the seizures would slow down a little now. 

You can’t die


A week later we went back to the consultant.
I had written a list of questions I wanted to ask as i had been researching like i use to for my coursework to try and find answers to something that may help me.
The consultant was obviously in a bad mood that day he was slumped in his chair. one leg over the other with a book on his knee. He waved his pen and beckoned us to sit. I started to feel uneasy as i started to ask my questions, It felt like he wasn’t listening. When he started to answer my questions my fears were confirmed, He hadn’t listened to the question. I tried to ask him in a different way yet still nope. I started to get upset and he said “we can’t do anything for you but i wouldn’t worry you can’t die from epilepsy” At that i burst into tears, I excused myself and he stopped me, “why are you leaving” he said. I answered because I’ve been trying to ask you questions for 20 minutes and you haven’t listened or answered one of them. You have dismissed all my problems with saying i can’t die from epilepsy when last week you gave me a leaflet about S.U.D.E.P. (sudden unexpected death in epilepsy) With that i left the room.
I sat outside in the lobby waiting area and had a coffee. One of the receptionists came over and said “you had a appointment with dr boo didn’t you?” yes i said. “Do you wish to make a complaint?”
No i said. With that she gave me a tissue and left.
For a receptionist to say that I’m guessing this guy must have had a lot of complaints against him, since that day I never went back to him and have since found out that many people think his bedside manner a lot to be desired for.

New life but same hospital

We all settled into our new home quicker than i personally thought. I was good though.
I hadn’t realised how cold our old house was, it was a 150 year old timber framed building that had wooden floorboards and a 2 foot hole under and the house stood on plinths. we would get drafts coming from everywhere. Here we were now in a lovely brick build house and no drafts. I went from flannelette pjamers to strappy tops and thin bottoms overnight!
The seizures didn’t stop and the hospital appointments kept coming with medication changes at nearly every turn. My headaches were also getting worse and the hospital consultant was worried. I was sent for more tests.
I first had a MRI and CT scans, a EEG and blood tests. We waited the results anxiously. During this time i was admitted to hospital. It was 2 am and the pain from my headache was so bad i was screaming and pacing the floor. No medication that we tried made any difference. I was having atonic, tonic clonic seizures where i would just drop and seize every half hour and there was no other option left but hospital.
On the way to the hospital i had several more seizures and then when we got to the a and e department they were still happening,  I was put on a drip full of anticonvulsants and given an oxygen mask. I was very tired and must have drifted off. I woke to find people around me as id had another seizure. An hour later i had stopped seizing and I managed to sleep properly. The next morning i was groggy and sick and the medication had made me feel like i was under water. Everyones voices sounded muffled and my ears were sizzling.
I went about a normal day on the ward and then mum took me home later the next evening.
This was not my first and it wouldn’t be my last hospital admission.
Life continued and we received the results of the scans and tests. I already knew my blood results were fine as while i was in hospital i had many blood tests.
We went in and the consultant explained that the mri scan showed that i had several leisions on my brain and they were mostly but not all in the left temporal lobe. This means scaring. It was probably caused by the brain not receiving enough oxygen at some point and the fact I’ve been having seizures for many years. The headaches make these areas inflamed which causes more seizures and the seizures inflame it causing headaches. There really was no winning situation here and it was a lot to take in.
we went home and decided we would wait for a week and then go and talk to him again.

Neighbours and Corgies?

When we arrived at our new house I walked onto the drive… I could hear yapping lots of yapping. I glanced over as I watched the back of a lady go into the house next door. A old lady and her corgies I surmised? (the area was majority of older people in retirement so it wasn’t a surprise)
I moved a few boxes and found the kettle things were put in rooms and the place started to look something like it belonged to us! I was not feeling well though and the seizures broke through. 
During the next few days of sorting we met our neighbours  that lived down the bottom of the garden. They were lovely and later that day we also met the neighbours to the left.
One afternoon mum called me out to the garden to meet our other neighbours.(the lady and her corgies neighbour) Or not !
The ladies that stood there and talking over the fence welcomed us to our new home. Kara was 5 years older than me and Perl was a few years older than mum but we all hit off straight away. We stood chatting for ages and they were both lovely.
I heard a dog yapping and it turned out to be a jack Russell come collie…. A large dog whom I’ve grown to have a love hate relationship with! Kara was lovely she was at home as well as she has a health condition. We found many similarities of what we liked to do and so became really good friends. She lived with her mum and dad, a cat and the dog and a menagerie of birds.
We arranged coffee and a chat and the girl and me became soul sisters and are to this very day.



Splitting & Moving

I was discharged home to my home with mum. Gavin was having to work so being in an hour and a half away on my own was not a good idea till i got on my feet. Although Gav was good in the hospital when i got home things changed. He became grumpy and wanted me to do things and go places and I knew I didn’t have the energy for . I still couldn’t see and i was scared. How would i be a nurse if i couldn’t see? 

Mum had phoned the university and had my course suspended until i could return they said it wasn’t a problem and all would be ok. This put my mind at rest. 
It took a couple of months before my sight returned, It was still blurry and i i get re-occurent blindness after a big seizure. but i got stronger and stronger. I was able to walk and finally i could see too. 

I went back to life with Gavin yet things were not the same. I was not prepared to do the things that would push me as i was scared of ending back in hospital. Where as once we would travel for hours i was now scared to go more than an hour away from places i knew. 
The relationship ended and we went our separate ways. 
I returned home to mum who was more than happy to have her little girl back. She was far from happy with me moving out in the first place and to have me back at home also meant she had backup with my dad. 

Dad is a whole new story, We have had a off relationship for as long as i can remember. The first memories i have of dad are of me being shut in a dark room with him holding the door closed. The memories that followed were not good ones either. I dont dwell on dad too much. i can’t change him, and i don’t think anyone could. Life is a fight without trying to win one i know won’t happen. We live our separate lives and thats how things work. 
So anyway mum was glad to have me home. 


On 28th August we were due to move. I wasnt going to be moving with mum and dad but overall I’m glad I did. Since moving I met new people, friends and had good times I would never have done if I hadnt moved.
Moving day was difficult for me despite this. Not knowing that good things would come of it I was moving to somewhere I knew little about and didn’t want to be.
I had made friends where I was, I’d grown up partly where I was and I felt comfortable. My house was lovely and I like it I was not keen on changing to somewhere else that was not homely yet. I’d moved from home to be with gavin and now I was packing boxes ready to go again.
Now I’m a Kind of person that would think nothing of going backpacking if my health was different so at the same time moving and packing boxes was an adventure that I also used to de-clutter and clear out. I threw out loads though my Disney collection stayed.

Moving day was difficult. I was not feeling great and I had already had a seizure that morning. Yet as I la on the last remaining piece of furniture I watched the removal men carry out our belongings and bundle them into a white lorry. I moved and the last piece went. As I sat on the floor looking around I was engulfed by sadness, I was overwhelmed as I remembered the happy times I’d spent in this house,

                 
Old House
New House


Intensive care

I can remember opening my eyes and being wheeled into a big space. This was the hospitals A&E. My seances were all distorted, i could hear but it felt like everyone was distant and muffled. i could barely see and i felt awful. i drifted in and out of consciousness, i didn’t even realise i was fitting. 
I could feel needles being pushed into my veins and i felt like a couldn’t move… yet i was fitting. I can remember seeing mum come up to my head she then faded away as i felt a pressure of something being pushed into my hand and a cold rush up my arm. 
I woke 3 days later in Intensive care. I had no idea where i was or what was happening. Gavin was sitting by the bed and i could hear mums voice. I tried to speak but i couldn’t my throat felt stiff and i tried to move my hand. This was also covered in tubes and wires. My eyes looked up and i saw drip blurry bags hanging and tubes coming from machines i then drifted.  All these machines i now know to be the machines that they were keeping me alive and sedated with. 
I woke up properly 2 days later. I saw dr’s nurses and mum. I was scared and the first thing i can remember saying was about work. I was so scared i was missing work as this was the start of the rest of my life. My career. Id worked 3 years for this… i was embarking on my first work palce and… what was going to happen , what would they say if i didnt turn up?
Mum put my mind at rest and slowly i was told what had happened. The reason i was in itu was because the seizures wouldn’t stop and i stopped breathing in the middle of a major seizure. The drugs i was being given also suppressed breathing and the only way to keep me breathing was to resuscitate and intubate (put me on a machine) until the body rested enough to breath alone.

I spent another 3 days on Intensive care. I was awake yet the drugs were so strong my memories are blurry and i remember very little of what happened. I was still having seizures yet they were not as violent. The drugs relaxed the muscles and the nerves to them meaning when i had a seizure it was happening in my brain and eyes and only the very small muscles would twitch. This was tryngt to help my body rest… my brain still had other ideas. The seizures had taken a toll on my body and I was still weak. The most scary moment was when i realised that i couldn’t see. Close up everything was blurry, it had been for the days i remember yet here i was laying in a hospital gown looking around and i could see nothing. It was all a blue white haze. My heart sank and i burst into tears. With physio i started to move my muscles again yet i didn’t have the strength to walk more than 5 steps .

I was transferred to a ward where i spent a week or so working on it and was then allowed home. I had enough medication to sink the Q.E 2 !