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My Label

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A medical bracelet or pendant is a little metal disc, that encloses information and labels the wearer. If you look  you will see i wear a pendant. I used to wear a bracelet but it got in the way alot and it was eassier for people to see, they used to stare and back away and so now i wear a pendant so i can hide it under my T-shirt if i feel the need. It’s not the “Allergic to Dihydrocodeine or Keppera and that causes the strange response, its the “epilepsey”.                  
When people see my label they usually say Oh you have somthing wrong with you dont you? And when they ask to see what it is all about and they see what it says they say “EWE you can swallow your toungue when you go off on one” or “you go crazy and stuff  with that don’t you?” . I really don’t know how to respond, because im not like some mad girl with a psyco disorder, and i’ts impossible to swallow your toungue, it’s just when you have a fit there is a possibility of you biting it, and yes that has happened but its nothing crazy. Sometimes if its a bad fit it continues for ages and i get hurt as i fall and bite my toungue and so there can be blood and so i supose thats what scares people but its not contagious. 
Once when i was away from my friends and family in a shopping centre and ended up in a major epileptic fit.The people around me didn’t know what was going on and understandably got scared. An ambulance was called and on arrival after regaining consciousness they told me i was having an epileptic fit. I told them that i know that as i’ve had epilepsy for years. After much confusion, they contacted my mum who explained what was going on. When i got home we decided it was time to get a medi-alert, in case that happened again while i was on the road again (que the song!!!).
I wear the pendant because it makes things easier in an emergency, not because i want to advertise that i’m different. It has helped me several times having the label, and it’s saved alot of confusion in times when i’m unable to explain myself.   Unfortunatly there are still alot of people around who don’t understand Epilepsy and are scared of me  when they find out. I just ask that i be treated the same as anyone else.
And if there is an inseance where i need help, don’t back away when you read my label.


Funny feelings

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Age 14 and in the end of year 9 i started to get some strange feelings. I put them down to growing up and womanly changes. (we had all had the talk). Somehow i thought these feelings felt familiar yet i wasn’t sure how so put them to the back of my mind and continued enjoying school, karate, and dancing.
We often had presentations and talks in school assembly sometimes science, or music or drama. any type you could waste 15 minutes of assembly with.
I had been paying more attention to music class in the last 2 years. Last year with a lot of help from my class music teacher I had persuaded mum to buy me a clarinet. I loved this clarinet it was old, second hand and all the writing has rubbed off but i loved it and played for hours. I’d even met a boy in the school library who took me to a band practice.
I couldn’t afford proper music lessons so i sat in front the mirror with my book. I then went to the band practice and sat next to the first persition and watched his fingers and the dots on the page and followed. When he stopped i took note of what the marking was and when he went quicker or slower the same thing. This is how i learnt, It worked.
This assembly myself and a few other students were playing a tune for assembly. I had these funny feeling but put them down to nerves as despite all the academic side i hated being centre of attention or on stage. I hated speaking in public or in groups and was pretty much a solo behind the scenes type a gal and thats how i liked it….. the clarinet changed part of that and i came out from behind the curtain.
We played beautifully and took our bow and then i followed the other students off the stage.

As i got near the steps i felt ill. I couldn’t describe the feeling but i didn’t feel good. I took a step down the stage steps to join my tutor group in the ranks and it all went blank.
Im a teenager… this can’t happen to me I’m invincible (well ok not quite but we all think we are at that age!)


As a kid i had many embarrassing times…. everyone does. However as i woke blurry eyes with my head of year and tutor next to me, hearing the rest of the school file out of the hall i was mortified. I’d fainted…. or so i thought. the school nurse was also there and she took me back to the office.
she asked me questions and asked me about my epilepsy history. When my mum arrived she was told that they think i had a seizure. The roller coaster took a loop the loop and headed into oblivion!
I was taken home and i rested…. i was tired. The next day i awoke on the floor.
What, how, hu ! were the questions running through my brain at lightning speed.  what is happening to me.
3 days later Mum took me to the drs as id had 3 more episodes and from what mum remembered of my childhood they were fits.
the dr put my straight back onto carbamazepine, the school was informed and i had an appointment at the hospital.

In two days my life had gone from exciting, fun filled and independent to crazy, end of world (in teenage eyes), embarrassing and not wanting to go to school which I loved and normally craved. I was back on the roller coaster of epilepsy.


At school 


The Beginning

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I first had a seizure aged 4. I had severe whooping cough, where I stopped breathing for over two minutes. My mum tells me I was held out the top floor window of the house and swung from side to side to make me catch my breath. As it was a cold Octobers evening, im glad to say…. It worked!!!About a week after this and in my first year of primary school and I was sitting on the worktop with my mum helping to make my sandwiches for my lunch box. I suddenly felt strange and funny. i said to my mum “mummy I feel funny”  it was an aura. The pins and needles, the thick feelings the deja-vu. (for those of you with epilepsy you will know this well).The next think I knew I was on the floor. My mum had just witnessed my first grand-mall or as they are now called Generalised seizure. I woke finding myself with her by my side cuddling me. I had no recollection of what had happened, but felt dreadful, tired and sleepy. (I cant remember being scared and mum has told me I took it in my stride- being as stroppy as ever and not wanting to rest!…. that hasnt changed an awful lot now, as I still get frustrated at times!) Anyway I missed some days of school due to my fisrt seizure, I was taken to the dr where I was given the all clear and mum was told to come back if any more problems. It didn’t take long as by the next week I was back in the DR’s room after having 3 more fits. I was sent to the Hospital and the roller coaster began.

I was a bit scared going to hospital. My first hospital visit i met the dr, (dr stefani).  I couldn’t say his name and therefore he let me call him Terri which sticks till this day if I ever pass him by. He quickly examined me including guessing what I had for breakfast! CORRECTLEY (which astonishes me till this day!)  and then sent me for some tests including a EEG, blood tests, X-ray and ECG. A complete MOT!
The tests seemed a bit big and strange but Terri wanted them all done that day, so off we were fore a trip round the hospital. First to Blood clinic, which with a bribe with a chocolate bar and hug from my bear was done. Then X-ray, ECG and then EEG (which I was going to get to know very well over the years). 
After a couple of weeks I had an appointment to go back for the results. During this time I had a total of 8 seizures and my life was going changing. My school were not letting me join in games and mum was obviously worried. 
On the day of my results we went back to the hospital, Terri called me Jamima puddle duck from down the corridor he knew I liked the Jamima puddle duck story! He was so funny.. Mum and I walked into the office and sat  down. 
I cant remember what was said exactly but we were told I had epilepsy. We were told what I could and couldn’t do, and precautions to take. I understood some things, as terri also explained it to me so I could understand. 
That night at home I had to take some medication, tegretol (carbamazipine) they looked like boring sweets.  Mum told me what they were and I had to take two. I did. 
My first ever EEG Age 4.


Welcome, & my decision to go public !

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This Blog is about my life and ride with Epilepsy. Through my own personal journey with epilepsy I want to help other people and let them know they are not alone. So many times i have felt alone…. even in a crowded room, vulnerable… never knowing when a seizure will strike.Ive been writing long before blogs were invented but it is only recently I discovered the impact that a web journal or “blog”  can have on the areas i cover in my writing. Especially on subjects close to my heart that need help to be published and awareness raised. I entered the world of “internet and epilepsy awareness” about a year ago and discovered truly that I wasnt alone. There are other people out there thinking the same as me. Struggling like me. This writing has previosuley only been my personal Journal, however through gaining confidence from the people i’ve met online and with the urge to raise more and much needed awareness of the condition I want to make my words public. This includes the non-edited raw truth about my life.I thought one day i would edit it and make it all nice and fluffy as i call it… but why? life isn’t like that and my aim is to show the truth out there so here we are. I started blogging on another site a few years ago but left all entries private… since deciding to “go public” I decided to move to blogger as they seem to have more features which I like…. so here it goes. (please bear with me while i move my blog over as this may take some time) Through going public I hope I will be able to raise awareness but also raise money in the aid of research for more treatments of the condition. so far this year my total is £720. Please give me feedback on my words and donate to my just giving page if you are able.